Thought before the end

I apologize if my thoughts are not very organized. I can assure you they are accurate!

Warning: If you do not know me, you might not understand a single word of this!

It seems like after telling a few stories about my life, the dark end comes (meaning I have nothing else to tell w/out compromising). There is a "fragile thick line" that exists between what is ok to tell the world and what things should never become common knowledge. My point is this: a blog is not quite a personal journal, but sometimes it transforms into something similar to it. Once you open your heart, shame takes over and you make all the awesome thoughts you have private. You stop sharing things and in a heartbeat you start limiting those you love because if you have something that is not "sharable," it is most likely something that can change and influence the unification of thought, meaning equality in the important matters of life. Therefore, all things must come to light. I should be able to say, without fear of consequence, that it was hard to lose part of my best friend to his girlfriend. I should be able to say that those I love the most are not around me now! For some strange reason I keep losing those I love to the most random places in the world. I have to confess that I hate loneliness; it makes me sad. I need people around me because I find no joy in life doing things for myself. My motivation is always to act for those around me. I might not always get it right, but I always try to help. Yes, sometimes I try to show people how I think hoping for them to change. I don’t do this because I think I am better, I do it because I believe that what I have learned in my life can also help others. So don’t get mad at me if late at night you realize I am "messing" with your head because I am NOT. It is my way of showing you how much I love you. I am 27 years old and my heart is too big to narrow down my desires. I cannot surrender myself to one thing; I often think that this could be either my joy or my sorrow. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I hope that no matter what it holds all my friends! I have made many mistakes; many leading to the loss of some friends. As clear as I can be, many times I am so deceiving. I have created many bonds that I had no power to hold and I have suffered because of some of them and will probably suffer more. But it was worth it to learn. I am not the best at learning from books and most of the time I need to break something to realize that it is fragile.

I am so ready to start a new life and the end of my college days seems to be the perfect time to do it!

If you are reading this and you happen to understand, thank you!